Cause you can be anything you want tonight.

Dear reader.
You may or may not have seen this post but it has happened again. I have been facing something for weeks now and I just recently started talking about it. It is a colossal heartbreak on so many levels, I didn't know who would shut me out and who I could trust.

Sometimes frustration, loneliness, and nostalgia just pile up into one big bowl of stuff. And it really really sucks. It hurts so bad that you feel you will never stop crying, you will never get out of bed, even though you will never be able to fall asleep either. I didn't know how I can go on, after I've messed up so much and now I'm paying for it.

So I called a good friend. I couldn't bear this alone, not anymore. So I told my friend all that I was thinking, regretting and wishing. This person said that what changed their life was when they accepted that they were so weak, and that they could never make this better. Then they accepted that God could, even if it was not immediate or in the way you thought it would be resolved.

I said thanks and good-bye and we hung up.

 
This song started playing in my head then.(aka, press play.;)

Sunday, January 13th, 2013

I am Rebecca, age 17 years and 10 months.I don't know how to explain this.(But I will obviously be trying.)

God just saved my life again. He took it away. The painful memories.I think of something and my heart doesn't ache with nostalgic longing.

Brething tastes cool, fresh, and sweeter than any air I have ever breathed. I am crying, but it is because I am happy.I am so so happy!I feel like laughing like Rafiki in the Lion King, but I think that might alarm my parents.=D I need to write this down.Because God's grace and unwavering love deserves documentation. He actually deserves more than just that, but this is what I can give.

Have I mentioned how wonderful it is to breathe?! God took away my pain. He didn't numb it. He ended it. It is finished. It was finished when Christ died on the cross for me. My heart beat has never felt so good. Gd is the greatest. I feel so good.

God will heal you. Give Him your pain. I took pictures of me crying and I asked god to take away something I've been holding on to as I deleted each one. The last one was a pretty picture. I deleted it and asked God to take the hurt & the pain. 

I sat in silence, holding the camera and said the things that reminded me. 

Nothing. I feel no regret, loss, pain.
            I feel peace, relief, and joy.
 & I've got a life ahead of me.  
And you know the next thing I felt. Joy. Joy!? After all that, God blessed me with joy? How can he be so full of grace and mercy to give me peace, and joy?

I don't think I will ever know, and that is okay.

 I texted the person I was talking too, and they were so happy.:) And I was too.

The problem isn't resolved yet. But my heart is.There is this incredible peace and even when feelings of regret arise, my trust and hope in God kicks it in the butt, I guess you could say.:D I wrote in my journal and fell asleep, still in my clothes, but smiling until I fell asleep.

I can't share many details of what was bothering me, but I wanted to share the raw feeling of God's power that I felt that night.

And I have felt so much better ever since and I hope that whatever you are facing in your life, you can feel this loved too.:)

Happy 3-day weekend everyone.:)

Diciembre en Fotos

Doctor Who fans, my friend Katie made me this plate about the 11th doctor for Christmas & I am smitten.:)

Riding with the family to look at all the lights

Peppermint and cookie dough ice cream

A snowman my brother made at an autism christmas party.:)

Making peppermint bark

YUM.

An origami bird I got for free at my school's craft fair!:)

Lights in my room.

Apples to Apples. It happens.

We had an end of the world party on December 21st, also celebrating Erin's birthday!

Katie, so hip with her glasses and scarf and iPad and Starbucks coffee...;D

Me, Katie, and Erin.We were celebrating Erin's birthday, she's turned 20.:)

Fast forward to my grandparent's apartment, 8 hours away the next day.Yes, their tree is on the wall.:)

they've been together 63  years.<3>

This is my grandpa when he was wittle!:)

My grandma is the Chinese Checkers champ. This board is about 150 years old and she played it when she was a girl. She beats me every game.:)

Christmas Eve Service, my brother and mom came for the first time and we sat as a family.:)

My aunt, uncle and cousins, opening presents of Christmas eve

Bethany, looking thrilled that I'm taking her picture this Friday. :D

It started snowing!And there was a squirrel!

Twister will never tire. This is Katie.

Me, winning Twister.:)

Hey guys! Happy late Christmas,Boxing Day, and New Year! I hope you had a great Christmas, I know I did, even if it was a little stressful. In the end, the birth of Jesus and the incredible story that never gets old is what makes Christmas happy, not my new yoga pants or finally being back home on Christmas Day.

Finals week was not as stressful as I thought, but I'm afraid to see what my grades are, mainly in College Algebra.It has hit me that I have one semester of high school left. That is ridiculous, just yesterday I was an insecure, goofy freshman. I'm still goofy and insecure sometimes, but I have grown more into the person God wants me to be, and I am so much more comfortable with how my life is. Granted, there is still a lot I have to work on and a lot I don't know, and that is what excites me about college.:)

I had a sleepover with Katie, Erin, and Bethany Friday which was wonderful. We watched the 2nd Doctor Who episode, went on a Sonic run, and played way too much Apples To Apples.:) I then came home and purged my room of lots of trash, it's looking good. Like seriously, it is almost immaculate.:) I shall take pictures of it in the future to show you (because I'm sure it's super interesting) ;)

School starts back up again tomorrow. :( But that means only a 3 day week, and new classes! Hope you are all well!:)